Pretending the wound is not there
I’ve had an emotional few weeks since leaving teaching, figuring out our next step and moving around North America.
I realize that I spend a great amount of time and energy not trying to feel the sadness, stress and uncertainty. I think about it. I talk about it. But I don’t full enter it. I can see it but I avoid it.
I don’t like embracing it. I think on some level that if I don’t fully acknowledge my difficulties, that they will subside.
The wounds about what I’m trying to create in life, about my change, is in turn further slowing my progress. It’s a vicious cycle.
Accepting the wound
But not fully acknowledging fears, worries and stresses is like hoping that broken arm will mend without a cast. It will not only stay injured, it will get worse.
This week I’m doing my best to be with my fears, apprehensions and frustrations without running away from them. I’m staying in that uncomfortable space and giving myself permission to fully feel their power.
At first it feels overwhelming, but in minutes, the magnitude becomes manageable.
There is growth in the feelings of being crushed. It is the power in confronting something. The power in allowing what you don’t want to hurt you, to try and hurt you. It doesn’t. It makes you honest.
The situation is not out to get you, but your reaction to the situation can turn around and bite you. I’ve tried my best to take my avoidance reaction out of the equation and it not only deflates the uncomfortableness but puts the scary situations into their proper magnitude and perspective.
When I’m honest and seeing clearly what I’m facing, I can act. It’s when I’m avoiding and being dishonest about my emotions that I’m not painting an accurate picture.
When I can enter my wounds, face what has hurt me, it no longer works against me. I now can use it as a tool to improve my life.
Be wounded. It’s temporary but powerful. It brings forth healing, understanding and perspective.
If you keep avoiding it over the short term, the wound deepens.
What have you been avoiding? What would it look like to enter your wound today? How would things change if you mended that wound?